When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
