Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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