i barfeds in our rink
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
