hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Dear god my vagina.
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