just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
