U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
