My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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