i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
