He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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