well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
