Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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