I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
