Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
