He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
