I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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