i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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