So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
