I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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