when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i now understand why vodka
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
