for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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