When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
