After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
