he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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