Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
