yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
