And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
