You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
