I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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