just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
