I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
