It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When are your genitals available?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
