You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I understand Curling. That high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
