Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
