I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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