Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
