my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he told me I talked like a deaf person
should my penis look like a turkey
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
