I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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