I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize