even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
40s are totally the cure
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
