PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
