U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
