I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
