eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
