I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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