well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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