Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
