oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
