She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
