i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
