haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
