Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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