Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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