This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
