I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
