the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
don't judge my taste in strippers
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
