trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
