I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize