Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
