I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
