I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
