that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize