I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
