What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
