Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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