he puts the penis in happiness.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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