last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
