Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
