please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
