There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize